Chapter 23 We're all prostitutes

Walking to Khao San for eight we hailed a taxi.

“That’s better,” Cameron purred as we entered the air-conditioned cab. 

“I think that’s why they’re so behind here,” I replied. “I mean, you just can’t think in the heat, back home we sit inside and get on with things, but what can you do in a place like this? Sit back and wait till the sun to goes down?”

“Mate, I can’t believe you’ve just said that, I’ve been nutting that one out for ages and just last week I came to the same conclusion.”

“Nutting it out, I like that.”

“Ar, it’s what I do all the time, work something out, and once I’ve met a couple of people with the same idea, I’ve nutted it.”

Arriving in the busy downtown we began looking for our club, piles of market stalls selling their rip off goods and the Skytrain looming overhead.

“You want porno?” a guy offered.

Cameron stopping to buy a coconut an Indian approached with his wife.

“Good?” he questioned.

“Ah, the best, where you from?”

“Bangladesh.”

“Ah, Dhaka.”

The guy’s eyes lit up at the mention of his capital city.

“You know Dhaka?”

Chatting until the small talk ran dry we headed for our street.  Lined with bars, the tables were busy with evening conversation.

“Hey, don’t look now but I think we just found gay town,” Cameron said.

I looked again, smartly dressed male couples sipping cocktails and red wine, we were getting attention.

“We look pretty much like a couple, don’t we?”

We agreed to try the next street.  It was the one I’d visited with my German pill smuggler, the heart of Patpong, packed four deep with market stalls, behind I could see the rows of girlie bars.  

“Mate, I’ve got a feeling the club’s out the window,” I said.

Walking through the stalls we came up alongside a bar, bikini clad dancers visible as punters moved through the swinging door.

“You fancy a drink in there?” I proposed.

“Might be expensive.”

I pointed to a sign beside the door, ‘Beer Chang 60 baht’. 

Inside we were met by a runway of girls in identical pink bikinis, an older madam leading us to a table at the edge and handing us the menu. The girls were a cut above what I’d seen in Chiang Mai, all with dark brown hair, individuated by tattoos, different types of prettiness in their faces, but they were all pretty.

Three drinks later we’d hardly passed a word. 

“Look at the moneybox on that one,” Cameron said.

“The what?”

“The G-string mate, look at the way it’s riding up the crotch.”

I gawped, following a tattoo as it crossed her flat stomach and disappeared below the bikini line.  I was totally at ease, even before the alcohol, the shared etiquette making staring the objective and I stared, passing my gaze from one girl to the next.

The madam approached and picked up a white napkin folding it to make a penis, then untying to re-configure a vagina.

“That girl’s got talent,” I said as we giggled.

We were totally lost in time, the hours ticking away, I wasn’t getting my flight.  I didn’t even think about it, just let myself get sucked away.  Occasionally a girl would wander to the table. ‘What your name?’ ‘Where you come from?’ she’d say. We’d respond politely and when the pitch ran dry watch as she returned to the pool. Only near the end of the night did a more solid proposition arrive, a stunningly and unusually tall girl floating across the room and stopping in front of Cameron.  Placing a beer mat on the table I watched as he picked it up and read before handing it to me.

Bar fine 500 baht.

Hotel 1000 baht

Me 2000 baht

“I think this girl’s been to business school,” I said.

“No kidding.”

The price wasn’t extortionate, and I’m sure any of the girls could have given us a good time, but we just didn’t need it. 

“You know, if I was a decent looking Thai girl I think I’d be doing this,” I began. “I love dancing, you get well paid.  I mean, if I’d had no any advantages in life and it came to a choice between this or earning next to nothing in 7/11 you’ve got to choose this, right?”

“Yeah, but then you could get picked up by some drunken hoon.”

“You don’t think they get to choose their clients?”

“Ah, sometimes.”

“Like the girl who came to our table, she’d been able to see what she liked. I don’t think she was following orders.”

“Yeah, but if it gets to the end of the night and some old slimer takes a shine, she probably doesn’t get the choice.”

“Yeah, I guess that’s the downside, but you can always close your eyes.”

We sipped our drinks and looked back to the stage.

“You know what I’ve thought for a long time?” I restarted. “We’re all prostitutes.  Whenever we’re doing something for money, something we don’t love just to pay the bills, we’re selling ourselves.  The only difference is the product and wider society’s deemed this inappropriate.”

“Ha, you’re not wrong there.”

“Nearly every job I’ve had’s been like that, to cover costs, to keep me alive.  I applied to work as a male escort last time I was in England.  Never got any further than sending my application; wasn’t set up for it living at home, but if I ever needed money, I’d do it.  So what if I have to fuck some old woman for a night, I’d earn more money than most people do in a week.”

As the runway closed we followed the girls upstairs.  A small discothèque, there were no more bikinis, just girls mixing and enjoying themselves.  We stayed half an hour and decided we needed somewhere more upmarket. 

Our taxi driver not understanding ‘club’ we ended up in another pick up joint.  Cameron buying our driver a beer as he waited, we were sat in an almost empty bar, thirty girls standing along a wall holding numbers and handbags. 

“Ah Cam, I don’t think I can look at this for too long,”  I said.

A couple of Australians joining our table I let Cameron field the conversation and sat feeling sorry for the girls.  The bottom of the trade, you didn’t get to dance, didn’t get to talk, just stood against a wall hoping you’d get picked out, and what if you didn’t? What then? Go home, hope for better luck the next night.  When I’d gone through my wanting to change the world phase I’d seen prostitution as an evil along with wars and McDonald’s but I saw it as part of human nature now, something which simply had to exist in the same way chaste monks did.  Everything with its opposite, nations warring over ideas until one won out, people buying things until they got sick of it. 

I don’t know what time we left, but I knew when I woke up in the morning I’d missed my flight.  Lying in bed it felt liberating, my flight gone, me still there. I was in charge, a decision finally made. 

Unable to patch together my thoughts I showered and moved downstairs, midday sun warming the air as I closed my eyes and listened to passing footsteps. 

“You want beer?”

I looked up to see my smiling waitress. 

“No beer, have menu?”

I settled on a chicken baguette and coffee, watching as she spiked the order and returned to sit on her step.  She tipped her head and smiled at me, a large tattoo visible beneath her short pink sleeve, her skin was a deeper brown than the average Thai.

“Sawat dii cap,” Cameron said as he joined me.

“Morning,” I yawned. 

Taking his seat and ordering coffee we sat the whole day, gazing to the street and occasionally drawing an observation or commenting on the night before.  We got up to buy fruit a couple of times but it was five before the life returned.

“Missed my flight,” I said.

“Yep.”

“What a night Cam, that goes in straight at the top.”

“Mate, it was awesome.”

“When the girl came over with the breakdown of costs.”

“Magic, absolute mayhem.”

“You fancy a run?”

My body was used to it now, if I didn’t run, I had energy I couldn’t find a place for.

“A run, yeah, O.K.”

We met in the lobby, me in my Muay Thai t-shirt, Cameron in his never changing ripped white vest. Leaving the backpacker grotto we headed to the river, climbing the stairs of the superhighway bridge and emerging to a view of the city.  It felt incredible in a way, how in my twenty-eighth year, on a Thursday afternoon, I was jogging in Bangkok for no reason other than I wanted to.  Somehow my thoughts returned to the office, to the people I’d worked with, the blackened windows.

The city on the other side was all Thai and following my nose I led Cameron in a circle ending at the foot of a suspension bridge. 

“Fucking beautiful that bridge,” he commented as we looked up at the thousands of white cables elegantly cradling the road.  Slowing to a walk we were in an open area, people exercising and children swimming in the muddy water, I lay to perform my sits ups.

“Think you’ll train back at home?” Cameron asked.

“Maybe.”

It was one of the peculiar things about anything I’d ever done which required total dedication.  I’d be so focused if I could create the right environment, but once I lost it, whatever I was doing went by the wayside; my bodybuilding when I’d met Suzy, work when I left to travel, Muay Thai when I returned to England. 

Returning to the accommodation we spent the evening wondering Khao San Road and returned to the Sawasdee for drinks. 

“What time you off tomorrow?” I asked.

“Mid-afternoon, got to get myself over to the bus station. How about you?”

I had no idea, I hadn’t had a chance to think about it in my current state.  Didn’t feel I’d be going home, something was telling me China, go back and get the rest of the language.  I was through with boxing, maybe stay in Bangkok.

“I don’t know, I’m going to stay here a while and think about it, but I’ll tell you one thing, I’m going to miss you. I’ve found being around you, I don’t know, I’ve moved on a notch. Ha, how about your words, I’ve nutted a lot of things out.”

He didn’t go coy or return some sloppy bullshit just a, “Likewise mate.”

“I’m sure I’m going to end up in New York at some point so if you’re still there, we’ll get together, go running around that lake in Central Park.  You know, the one Dustin Hoffman went round in that movie, what was that movie?”

“I know the one you mean.”

“When will you leave Thailand?”

“End of the month, got to get back before the money runs out.  The guy at the American embassy’s processing my visa at the moment, once that’s done, I’ll be on my way.”

As we continued to sit he pulled out a notebook and started to read.

“What’s that?”

“When I see a word I don’t know I write it down, look it up later.”

I admired the way he was doing things, it didn’t look efficient, but he was slowly piecing together what he needed; finding an acting coach, reading plays, the Muay Thai feeding his repertoire and he seemed to have the right pace.  The pace of an artist, a slow meandering warble until you bumped into the things you were looking for. 

The next day was a repeat of the last minus the hangovers.  I got to breakfast first, was served by my smiling waitress and sat looking to the street.  Spotting the Swedish guy from the T.V. commercial I’d worked on in Chiang Mai I waved to catch his attention. 

“Hey, how’s it going?” I asked.

“Good.”

“You been working?”

He pulled a crumpled piece of paper from his pocket.

“I audition for pirate movie,” he said handing me his lines.  It was Cameron’s part.  Telling me he’d just rented an apartment and would stay indefinitely I wished him all the best and watched as he returned to the street, Cameron joining me in his wraparound shades.

“That girl's smile Cam, I just can’t get over it,” I said after she took his order. She had it all; confidence, looks, somehow I’d deduced a good heart. “I might spend a few more days here.”

It was a lovely feeling not having to be anywhere, I’d never really experienced being in a place where I could just sit.  Always on the move, always doing something, but here it was what people did. 

“You thought any more about what you’re going to do?” he asked.

I had, the previous night I’d stayed awake until I’d come up with a bridging plan.  I was going back to China, possibly overland, look up my old friends in Chengdu, maybe see if I could find work in Beijing.  Buy a fake degree in Khao San to improve my chances.  As I told him he nodded and we settled back to people watching. 

A couple next to us telling us about their trip to Thailand a guy arrived attracting my waitress’s attention.

“Nen, one Singha please,” he said.

As I evaluated my competition Cameron caught me watching.

“What you gonna do?”

“Shit, I don’t know, I was thinking I’d let nature take its course.”

Continuing our silent vigil the guy joked with Nen and she turned to include us. 

“Paul, this is Alex.”

I shook his hand.

“Been here long?” I asked.

“Ah, a few days, they cocked up my flight, supposed to be in New Zealand watching the rugby.” 

He was tall and skinny, hair shaved close to hide his balding scalp.

“Think we’ll win?”

“Good chance, my mates just been selected for the team.”

Cameron was silent, he had the look of a brooding movie star; Buddha necklace, vest top, tattoo and seemingly absent ego.  I wondered where his coolness came from.  He reminded me of Russell Crow, I’d read before the movie Gladiator he’d been in Paris, probably spending days in street side café’s not too dissimilar from ours, just one lucky break, one chance meeting, that’s all it would take for Cameron to make the big time.    

As Alex left Nen stood by our table, “Where you go tonight?” she asked.

“Tonight?”

Cameron peered over his glasses giving the go for it look.

“No plans.”

“Me and my friends go to Khao San Centre, you want come with us?”

Agreeing to the invitation she left us at our table and I smiled, ‘Sit back, wait and it comes’ I thought. Our appointment coinciding with Cameron’s departure I waited until five to make my closing speech.

“It’s been fantastic buddy, one of the best times of my life, we have to meet up in New York, and if we don’t, we’ll meet somewhere.  I just feel we’ve got so much more to go through.  Right now we’ve got to do our thing, but hey, when that time comes, I’m looking forward to it.”

I could see it too, sharing a musty apartment in Manhattan, working in the restaurants, training together in the gym.  Leaving me with a short story he’d just finished I watched him disappear upstairs and my attention was caught by a waving Nen.

“Paul, come meet my friends,” she called. 

She was with two young guys who introduced themselves as Paul and Brian from Rochdale.  The other half of the contingent a pair of French girls whose names I instantly forgot.  Paul skinny and tall, Brian was overweight, the two French girls, average and French.  As I sat back listening I pieced together the relationships, Brian and Paul were good friends, Brian was the leader, they’d just met the French girls and were planning to get laid.  Nen had a crush on Brian, he’d been to Thailand before.

“You guys on holiday?” I asked.

“Business,” Brian replied.

I didn’t dig any further, but business sounded like a good front for getting laid.

Moving to the Khao San Centre it was a place I’d passed a few times.  A high roofed bar where foreigners drank from breakfast till dawn.  I was on edge in new company, in the territory of the hard drinking crowd I usually avoided.  The Manchester boys ordering a large bottle of Sangsom and cocktails for the girls I took my first drinks quickly.

“What the fuck is that stuff?” Paul said as he sipped.

“Think of it as rum and you’ll like it you big pussy,” Brian returned.  

As I sat observing Brian and Paul they were focused on the French girls.  Not speaking great English the Manchester boys openly discussed how they’d get them back for the night.  It turned out Brian was due to get married, and business was buying cheap clothes for re-sale in Rochdale.  Watching Nen at the edge of the table she looked miserable, constantly trying to get Brian’s attention, he wasn’t interested.  I got the impression he’d been there before. 

Joined by a Frenchman with blonde highlights he seemed to loosely know the girls.

“You find your laptop?” one of them asked.

“My laptop in Korea, the airline say they can get back later this week.”

Turning to me he shook my hand and introduced himself as Pierre.

“Problems with your computer?”

“Ah fuck, I leave on the plane.”

He looked on edge, bouncing in his seat, his head swivelling to follow every passing girl.

“Ah, the girls, look at that,” he remarked as his eyes followed another waitress down the aisle.  I hated the guys like him, the guys who felt Thai girls were their right.  As if just turning up and being white was enough to guarantee you a lay. 

“Where’re you from?” I asked.

“From Paris, I come to Thailand for two weeks, ah, look at that, do you think I can have this girl?”

“Never been here before?”

“No, no,” he said head swivelling. “I have shit with my girlfriend so I think I come here to relax.” 

“What do you do?”

“School teacher, I teach I.T., I need my computer to prepare lesson, how about this girl?” he said motioning towards Nen.

“You can find lots of nice girls,” I deflected.

“Where?”

“Here in the bars, if you go to Patpong you can find a lot.”

“Patpong?”

“They have bars where the girls dance.”

“I go there tonight,” he returned quickly.

As I continued to drink I was enjoying myself now, I hardly had to say a thing, listening and watching as the boys played out their moves.  One of the French girls looked at me.

“Are you travelling?” she asked.

“No, I’ve been Muay Thai boxing in Chiang Mai.”

The mention of boxing drew her attention, a typical scenario, the girl I like likes someone else, the girl I’m not playing for likes me.

“You fight?”

“No, no, just for training.”

As I chatted I continued to earwig Brian and Paul.  They were planning to take the girls Patpong, Nen wasn’t invited.  An hour later I watched it all roll into motion, the group leaving the two of us alone.

“You O.K.?” I asked as Nen returned a sigh.

“I like Brian, last time he good friend, but now not want to talk with me.”

Still only nine we finished our drinks and moved to Gulliver’s bar where I took whiskey and watched Nen as she moved to dance alone. She looked like a girl with a broken heart, lost in the music, gently swaying as everyone sat.  Joined by a couple girls she seemed to know we chatted and danced together until ten.

“I think she need to go home,” her friend said.

After a few minutes persuasion we entered the street.

“Cannot go your guesthouse, I work there,” Nen said. “I know somewhere.”

She led me to a cheap place around the corner, I paid and we slept.  Curtains open as I woke I looked at her dark silhouette beside me, hair wild from a night of restlessness.  Moving my body against hers, I kissed a scar on her shoulder and gently pulled her to face me.

“What’s this?”

“From buffalo, when I younger I playing with my friends, make buffalo angry.”

She nugged her head against mine and we began to kiss, taking time between, then wild biting at my neck, and riding until I came.  Removing the condom I watched as she rummaged in her bag, taking a cigarette and lighting up as I walked to the window.  I could see the hotel from my first trip, the street below deserted. 

“You O.K.?” I asked as I sat.  She stretched and smiled. “How long you work at Sawasdee?”

“Six month, I come after Tsunami, before I live on Pi Pi, you know Pi Pi?”

I shook my head.

“Small island near Phuket, very beautiful.”

“You like Bangkok?”

“O.K., now not have anything in Pi Pi, I lose many friend when Tsunami come. I on second floor, only my building have second floor, so, I O.K., but all my friend….”

She looked off to the end of the bed.

“After I take government bus to Bangkok, I come with fifty baht, you know fifty baht? Very little money.  I not know anyone, spend whole day walking Khao San, ask for work in every bar, but they not want bad girl.”

“Bad girl?”

“I have tattoo, they not like.  Sawasdee the last bar I go and they say I can try.”

“You like your job?”

“Yes.”

“Your friend last night, she said she worked in a travel agency, you never want to do that job?”

“My friend say I can work with her, but I cannot use computer. I go back to school last year, but stay only three week, my brain not work now, drink too much.  I like to walk around, talk, relax, not sit inside.  Last year my sister tell me to go home, work in air-conditioning factory.  I stay two week, have to wear uniform, the boss keep asking my sister, ‘Where she go?’ I go smoking.”

“You never want to go back to your family?”

“They not want me, think I bad girl too.  When I sixteen I start yaba, so they send me to Pi Pi to stay with my aunt.  I get job in bar finding customer.  All day walk on beach, tell people about party.  When customer come I have to drink bucket of whiskey, go crazy, I love so much.”

I could tell she did, but like Yaa she was burning herself up.  There were so many girls like that, pulled into the tourist circus like performing clowns.  For the visitors it was fine, a two week binge and then back to normal life, but that was her life, a head constantly fogged by alcohol, lungs choked by chain smoked cigarettes. 

“You have a foreign boyfriend before?”

“In Bangkok have from England, same as you, but finish already.  One night my friend tell me she see him with boy.”

“Boy?”

“He like gay, but I not know.  I go his apartment and wait him come back.”

She raised herself above me making a slashing gesture through the air.

“I stab with knife, need one hundred thirty stitches.  Stab here.”  she said poking the top of my arm and scoring down to my wrist. “So much blood, I want kill him, stab his heart, but I miss.”

“He O.K. now?”

“O.K., still live Bangkok, sometimes I see in Khao San.”